We tend to think that making decisions is easy, but in fact, it is one of the processes that cause most anxiety to people, especially if it involves important or big changes in their personal or professional lives.
Decision making is not always a conscious process. Amazingly, many of the choices we make through our day are made unconsciously or automatically. Recent studies have shown that our brain by itself can provide us with answers to certain dilemmas without us even realizing it, thanks for that, friend! But then, there are other situations where we consciously process the options in order to reach a decision, and this is not always an easy thing to do. How many times have you found yourself staring at two objects in a store, or having two important choices and having to pick one, but couldn’t decide on one because you felt blocked and unable to decide? Raise your hand if you have been in this situation, Hello everyone!
What is behind the feeling of indecision?
What causes us to feel stuck, blocked, and unable to just make a choice? Understanding what is behind this feeling can help us take control over the situation.
1. Fear
Fear prevents you from thinking clearly, fear also destroys your confidence which is key when making a decision. One of the biggest mistakes we make in life if the constant never-ending search for perfection.
“Perfection is a fear of my own’s and others negative evaluation.”
Fear paralyzes you, I have come to the conclusion that deep-down people do know what they want and when they overcome the feeling of fear, they get the strength and courage to make decisions in their life, from simple things like what to wear, to big life-changing decisions like what career to pursue.
2. Another big-time enemy when making a decision is the “What if…”
“What if this other person is better than me?”, “What if I fail”, “What if I am wrong?”
Which brings me back to the need for perfection. Making choices in our lives implies that we must take risks and take responsibility for the consequences, either good or bad; but sometimes we are not ready or willing to take a chance on ourselves because we are scared of the possible outcome. This unconscious need for approval is a big reason why at times it is so hard for us to make choices. What we must understand is, we don’t have to be like anybody else, nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes and we learn from these mistakes.
We need to ask ourselves when making a decision: “Will it be so terrible if I am wrong?” ,”What is the worst thing that can happen if I make a mistake?”
We must improve our true self and become a better version of US and part of the process means making mistakes and learning from them.
3. Lack of Skills
You can have a great level of self-esteem, but it is crucial to prepare yourself and learn in order to become a better version of who you are. There is truth to the saying “No pain, no gain…”
4. Low Self-confidence
If you don’t believe in your decision-making capacity or your ability to perform a certain task in your life, you will either not do it, or you will do it, but you will severely impact the outcome because since you never truly believed in yourself, you will behave in such a way that causes you to fail.
5. Dependent on others (A consequence of having low self-esteem)
This one goes to all of us who are raising kids. Individuals who are very dependent on others opinions to make choices usually were raised with overprotective parents. Parents who: take on many of their child’s responsibilities like studying, chores, who constantly overshadow everything they do, who constantly intervene for the child on everything, who constantly tell their child what to do, who try at all costs that the child doesn’t get frustrated or suffer negative consequences for decisions THEY made… this overprotection is very damaging to a child, they grow up to be insecure, unable to make decisions by themselves and not being able to face negative consequences by themselves. Sometimes this feeling of protection we have as parents, might be causing us to behave in a way that is actually limiting our child, they grow up having low levels of self-esteem, unable to make decisions by themselves or even worse getting involved in toxic relationships where they need another person to make decisions for them because “They know better”.
6. Black or White thinking
At times we tend to think that the option we choose will lead us to a path with a specific consequence, but the reality of life is very different. We might choose option A thinking we are going to get a certain outcome and not choose option B because in our mind it won’t give us our desired consequence, but in real life, these two options might cross paths leading us to an option C…
“Books might be black and white, but real life has a million shades of Gray…”
How do you overcome this feeling of indecision?
I break this into two different sections:
Section 1: Reflect
Relax: making a decision can cause stress, so the first thing you must do is relax, give yourself some time to wind down, breathe and, take your mind of this issue for a minute.
There will never be a “Perfect solution” . Work on taking out of your head the negative voice that causes the thought patterns of perfectionism, when we take this huge pressure off, we find it easier to make a choice and take risks we might have not taken before.
Remember your life is not a black and white book, it is full of different shades of gray. The world is not going to end by deciding on option B versus option A , and be open to new options along the way.
Section 2: Take action!
1. Find all possible options, and if you need to write them down go ahead!
2. Think or write all the possible pros and cons of each one. This step is very important because the idea here is not to be impulsive or make irrational decisions, we must be able to accept responsibility for the consequences that might come from certain decisions we make in our life.
3. Put it into action. Don’t be a victim of the pressure we sometimes feel to “Have to make the right choice now! because there is only 1 good option!” if this choice works out, then awesome! continue with it, and if it did not work out as expected, pick another option from all the previous alternatives.
4. Feel proud about yourself for making a choice! Give yourself some credit, not only because you displayed courage and assertiveness but also because you learned a valuable lesson, “When I make a choice, either if it works or not, life goes on”
Remember, what really counts is your courage to make decisions, to try, and show yourself to the world,
A quote that has strongly inspired me in moments of doubt and fear:
Theodore Roosevelt, The Man in the Arena speech:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
